Dear 2015

Dear 2015,


You brought a lot to my life this year, it was all nice with just enough spice. I just want to thank you for all the things you taught me. Some of which I would like to share here with my readers...


I really hate the cold. It brings me down emotionally and physically. Everything seems twice as worse. - January 13 

When people show you a glimpse of who they are, believe them the very first time. - 15 February 


I love a good surprise which is a contradiction to my need-to-know-everything attitude. - 21 February

Once your guard goes up, no one should be given a second chance because they don't usually deserve it and they end up taking the situation for granted and worse, even you. - 9th April


Some people just don't deserve to be taken seriously. - 10th April 

A person doesn't need to be responsible for your happiness. You can be the reason behind your smile, you can be the reason that you feel on top of the world. The best feeling ever- 3rd May 

People give up easily, doesn't matter what it is, it could be on a person or a hobby or it could be as silly as a new year resolution. But, they give up too soon. And sometimes even before they have given it a shot-24th June

The best thing you could do is to stop trying so hard to be okay with things, it's okay to do anything and everything in order to kick the negativity out of your life even if it means cutting off a few people.- 25 July


Some regrets are such that they are not the things you did or didn't do but things that someone else did which end up affecting you.-17th August 

Life is fleeting, death is sudden. And in the worst of times, you have only yourself to rely on, only yourself to put the pieces of your soul back together. Also, people have the worst reactions and pieces of advice to console you when you are upset.- 30 September 

Letting someone in can be the worst possible decision especially when they don't respect who you are. - 16th December


Love does exist, I admit grudgingly. It could be as simple as a car ride with a friend, music blasting from the speakers, you two singing on top of your lungs, or as mushy as 'the look' you witness on a man when he sees the love of his life walking towards him in the bridal attire, or well, as sweet as him sneakily bringing her to her maternal home to see her mom. - 20th October/1 May/27 December 

I am extremely asocial, to an extent that never ceases to amaze me. But, what I do crave is simplicity, which I find almost always with old friends- 19 December


People change. And sometimes so drastically that it breaks your heart. Some become a hollower version of themselves while others become 'everything' that they have ever hated.- 24 December


I love family gatherings. - May/December


People tend to disappoint you, sometimes even more than once. And you end up forgiving them time and again... Till you don't anymore. And that point needs to come when you realize that instead of having a discussion and trying to sort things out and explaining what you mean, it's better for you is to keep silent and let things go. Because, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. - 14th December

No matter how much you try to control things, control is never truly in your hand. Basically, we are all slaves of circumstances. - 31st December

So, dearest 2015, you were nothing but overwhelming. You have been the most eventful and probably, the best one for me till now. As I bid you adieu, I really hope there was a thing as a time turner, so that I could go back and relive a few moments...

Anyhow, a very happy new year to all of you read through this post. I hope you have a prosperous year ahead.

And to the dearest 2016, I just want you to be as eventful as your predecessor!!

Love, Smriti

Confession

Hey Dearies!!



So, it's been a while since I last wrote, a very long while. I was busy pushing everyone and putting them at an arm's length.



And now that everyone close to me is around, I can finally focus my energy on myself.



When you reach a point where you realize that you have lost the person that you used to be, you have two choices. First, to find the person you were before. Second, to lose that person completely.



Well, I chose to walk down a third path. To improve on the person that I used to be. I had started letting people affect me, letting their words hurt me. I had completely mellowed down. Silly me, I had actually let people in. Maybe just a few layers. But, I had.



It all began a few months ago, something triggered in me and I realized that a lot had changed. I had changed.



Luckily for me, internals came and so did my brother's wedding. It was completely mental! I even got sick. That month served as a perfect excuse for me to take a step back from every relationship, not because I despise the people in my life, but because sometimes, distancing yourself from others brings you closer to yourself.



The way I was invested in everyone's life, always ready to help and be a shoulder to lean on had actually started to affect my mental well being. Especially, when the favor wasn't really returned. People had started to take me for granted. And I knew that it was happening. But, even then I let it happen. After all, I was being a 'good friend'.



But, after all of that, the escape from people, has been amazing. I don't feel the need to talk to anyone at all. I am more focused on 'me' now. And soon, my college vacation will begin. So, it will again, serve as good excuse to take a break from people in general.



My books were missing me anyway. I have about eight of them unread. So, this is me saying sayonara. So long, people!

Ciao

Dear You

Dear You,

You feeling down? Like something is missing? Like you just cannot go through another day pretending to be happy? Like everything is falling apart in your life and you are just observing from above? Like your hands are tied and your voice is gone and all you want to do is scream but you just can't? Like all you want to do is fall apart and cry but you are just not able to? Do you feel this way?


 Like you are the only one who is going through this?



 Look, there comes a point in everyone’s life when a dark cloud magically pops over their head, never seeming to leave, raining negativity and just trying to bring them down. Hundreds and hundreds of people have fallen prey to it. And, no matter what they do, it clings to them like a sinister being sucking the life out of them till there is nothing left. At least that is what it wants them to believe. 

'It will get better', people tell you, but that sinister being, it whispers contradictory things. And it is easier to believe this negative entity because it has disguised itself as you. And you start believing it. You believe that everything is a lie, that you cannot be happy, that the beautiful smile of yours is gone forever, that you can only pretend to be happy so that people won’t ask you what’s wrong, that you are alone, that you can't do this any more, that there is this perpetual hollowness in you, that you are done. 



You may turn to alcohol, to cigarettes, to drugs or to any other thing that you think might numb the pain or make you feel again. You may not return from this and that is what that evil entity wants. It wants you. 



And instead of giving into this, instead of letting it win, you need to fight, you need to fight with everything you have, for only then can this evil which has entered you soul will be kept at bay, though never quite gone.



You and I both know in our hearts that things will change. That things will get better. Sweetheart, this is a phase. I promise. I promise that your brilliant smile will be back. I know that right now with everything that's going on in your life, you don't believe this. But, babe, I want you to hold on, I want you to have faith, I want you to have hope.



I want you to know that I believe in you. I believe that everything will be okay even if you don't. I believe. 

I know that you want to be truly happy again but happiness is not a destination, like other emotions it is fleeting. It is temporary, just like the feeling that you have right now.



I want you to know that you are not alone in this rainy season, that you have me holding an umbrella for you, over you. Even if this entity has you convinced otherwise. I am there for you. Always. 



Remember, I am with you.



Love, Smriti



P.S. If winter comes, can spring be far behind?




I was going to text this to a friend of mine but I thought I should put it up on my blog as well. Because, we are all a little lost and in need of a little help even if we don't ask for it. Sometimes, we just need words to cheer us up, to pull us up when we are down. 
To all the people who are feeling a bit down, remember, to keep holding on, because things will get better.